Saturday, May 03, 2008

Undignified Cause of Death List

he Undignified Cause of Death List: ( roll 1D15)

He was;

Killed in a freak gazebo collapse.
Sucked up into a vent
Dragged under a fast moving carousel
Beaten to death by pissed off Hare Krishnas
Slain by a falling walrus.
Decapitated in a freak morris dancing mishap
Run down by a haunted moped
Killed by an accidental airline bathroom depressurization
Killed when he accidentally got his scarf caught in a cyclotron
Killed by catastrophic sinus failure
Infected by the Borneo "swelling testicle" disease.
Nose hairs caught on fire, died of smoke inhalation.
a Victim of spontaneous human implosion.
laid low by an infected mollusk bite.
Became the world worst escape artist
Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation (thanks to Stewart Barnes)
Run down by a street sweeper (thanks to Ben Vandgrift)

Addenda to the Gamer Jargon Lexicon

Okay. i've got to admit that i've come to love the Gamer Jargon Lexicon and so i've come up with some of the jargon and phrases that have become common parlance in our games here at T.I.

Mojo ( 1. Magickal power, 2. Raw manliness etc... May be applied to nearly any skill or talent to denote power or lack thereof. I.E. " He would have been okay if his legedary dice mojo hadn't given out at the critical moment.")

Wake me for Combat (Uttered by persons who have no interest in actual role-playing and are waiting for a fight to break out so they can get their rocks off by rolling lots of dice.)

Engage the Plot Device! ( Refers to the semi-mythical plot device and it's operation. Denotes a situation where the GM isn't exactly being subtle about what is plot and what is not.)

Sub-Space Plot-based Phenomenon ( Indicates any Plot device that cannot be avoided once it is spotted no matter what you do. Reverse engines full all you want monkeyboy, it will avail you naught.)

I will bend it over the coffee table and have my nasty way with it. (denotes a situation where the person intends to exert total mastery. Often refers to rules rape.)

On the Payroll ( The state of being blood bound to a vampire. Ghouls require regular infusions to keep their ghoul like state. From the Kinesys derived maxim: "Everyone on the payroll is a potential bulletshield.")

But i didn't have the salmon mousse! ( default phrase when you are totally confused. From the Monty Python film. The Meaning of Life )

Ground Zero Dump (A combat tactic that involves dropping an area effect attack at one's own feet in the belief, somtimes mistaken, that they are immune to the attack or will be able to survive it better than any of the ravening horde they are surrounded by. Surprisingly effective, if a little hard on nearby compatriots.)

Kibbitzer ( From the Yiddish, to stand by and offer helpful advice without actually playing. Detrimental in cards. Actively upsetting in RPG's. Kibbitzers may need to killed if they cannot be driven off.)

...Holocaust (Descriptor appended to adjectives to denotes throwing around a huge amount of collateral damage. Examples: Hot-and-cold-running Holocaust, Hot-buttered Holocaust, Push-button Holocaust...etc.)

Weapon X ( slightly derogative term reffering to players who have poor impulse control especially involving attacks that might affect his compatriots.)

We have Audacity! ( Used to rally other players in the face of a massively superior enemy who has never lost to the players. From a speech once given by Ivan Crowley.)

Go Quad ( To break out the whoopass in a heretofore unseen manner. origin obscure)

When last we left our intrepid heroes...: (Phrase used to signal the actual begining of game play.)

Having said that...let's move on. (Phrase used to encourage a change of subject.)

Blood and Thunder Style. ( Refers to gaming that doesn't involve any of the small details of a low fantasy campaign like not getting lost or starving to death on the way to the castle of Abject Dread. May involve tossing around some Hot,buttered Holocaust.

Meanwhile...In another part of the city. ( Standard scene change phrase.)

Clusterfuck Tactics. ( Succeeding in combat despite an abject lack of teamwork.)

Mortality Warning. ( Warning given by the gamemaster during the climax of a story arc denoting the very real possibility that screwing up can get you killed.)

Gregor's Law ( Which states: Tardiness to the game, destroys dice mojo. Seems to be true by all accounts so far.)

St. Trillian's Gift ( The ability to remember game history minutae that every one else has long forgotten.)

No Plot Night. ( Indicates a game night where the Gm has not scripted anything in order to allow players to pursue their characters own goals. Usually caused by laziness or exhaustion. but is occasionally a cruel hoax. Also refered to as Sleepy GM syndrome)

Mutant Shmeld Game ( Refers to an existing game that brings in setting material from a whole other game. Example that i have seen and done include; Mage/Call of Cthulhu, Top Secret S.I./Call of Cthulhu, and Battletech/Call of Cthulhu.)

Quarterback ( a player that tends to drive the plot with their active approach to problems and wilingness to lead. Origin obscure...may come from sports or something.)

Being hit byThe Plot (blank) ( Usually refers to a situation that is deeply unpleasant but is necessary to generate the actual plot. The blank is usually some implement of destruction. I.E. Plot Stick, Plot Hammer, Plot Belt-sander...Etc.)

The big, red, caaaandy-like button (indicates something that should not ever be messed with...but probably will be.)

Trenchcoat of Holding ( a situation where a character is bending the rules involving encumbrance past any reasonable explanation. Also denotes trying to conceal weapons on your person that cannot actually be a 6 foot claymore. )

Krixing it up ( Succeeding so wildly at a task that everybody in the party wish that you hadn't done it at all. named after Krix Wildrose.)

RoleMaster Style Hit ( An attack that succeeds so wildly that it passes into legend. I.E. Your character hits an opponent, vaporizes him and his spleen flies out and kills a whole other guy. The other enemies on the board stop for a moment and stare...they may even clap desultorily while they seriously reconsider their life path. The slain enemy is -47 to next initiative.)

The Oyster Fork of Doom ( a non-weapon that ends up being used as a weapon in the heat of combat, and to deadly effect. Comes from an Aeon Adventure game where a character actually killed a gun toting enemy with a flung oyster fork.)

The Yoshi Propensity (refers to a character that is not some sort of combat god but who has the dumbest luck with decapitating head shots.)

Toy Surprise Villian ( a villian that explodes messily when slain, often showering the heroes, with toxic, caustic, or actively teratogenic gut-splatter. Noticably hard on clothing. Also: Evil Pinata Effect

Pulling a Garrison ( Extreme dice luck for good or ill. Garrison was the name of a Star Wars character who had a propensity for accidentally horribly botching the simplest actions ( I.e. tossing a grenade) but also had the ability to occasionally kill the main villian with one shot.

Welcome Wagon ( a seige tactic pioneered in a Mage campaign of mine which involves going to where the bad guys are, knocking on the front door and then defending oneself.

Damage Sink (a player that has found a way to become damn near unkillable within the rules and is capable of soaking up damage like soaking up gravy with a biscuit. May not actually be much use in the fight but is definitely going to survive it. Extreme examples of this character type have been known to strap live claymores mines to thier bodies.

More added when i think of or remember more.

Curse Repository

This is repository of all sorts of Curses. You never know when you'll need a good curse.

May the fleas of a thousand camels nest in your genitalia!
May a trolley car run through your small intestine!
May you live in interesting times!
May you come to the notice of powerful people!
May the demoness Lamashtu close up your wives!
May boil imps bite you!
May you drown and search the world forever for an earthen grave!
May Scorpions fill your armpits!
May the Hoary host rain calumny upon you!
May bugs,bats,and beetles light on you!
May your woman have curses on her lips,daggers in her eyes and bitter gall in her heart.
May you have blood on your hands and the thousand curses of Allah on your back.
May you walk the earth and leave no trace!
May rabid devil monkeys plaugue your town!
May you inherit a house with a thousand halls, and along each hall a thousand doors, and behind each door a room with a thousand beds. And may a thousand fleas, each with a thousand teeth, chase you from bed to bed to bed....
May you find yourself on a plane, in a holding pattern over Cleveland for four hours, stuck in a seat between Al Sharpton and Rush Limbaugh!
May you take your father's place as Satan's sex slave!
May tiny gnomes eat away at every hair on your body including the little hairs in your intestines. (sent in by Nikki)
May an army of penguins chew at your toes. (sent in by Nikki)
May chickens raid your home and crap on your furniture and donate your legs to KFC. (sent in by Nikki)
May satanic donkeys with oral herpes and gingivitis and a sulfuric acid saliva chew out your eyes (sent in by Nikki)

Clearing some space. Pay no attention to this if you don't want

World of Darkness Light Bulb jokes

This one deserves a bit of explanation. I have a character named Carter Wonderful who is a Bone Gnawer Ragabash. early in the creation process, I decided that one of his less endearing habits was his complete inability to take anything seriously. His favorite thing was Light bulb jokes and it became a running gag throughout the game. These are the best ones I could come up with.

Q: How many Cultists of Ecstasy does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:All of them,Cultists will screw anything.

Q: How many Toreador does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Sixty; Four to manipulate a caitiff into doing the real work and then steal all the credit, Six, to argue over what color the light bulb should have been, and the other forty to stand around and mutter "I could've done that."

Q: How many Silver Fangs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Four; one to screw it in and the other three to organize the press conference.

Q: How many Malkavians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one. But good luck finding pampers that small.

Q: How many Black Furies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: "Hey ! That's not Funny !"

Q: O.K. How many Black Furies does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Six; one to change it and five to say how much better she did it than any man.

Q: How many Children of Gaia does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: "You're missing the point... The light bulb has to want to change itself!"

Q: How many Arcanum Members does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Four; one to change the bulb, and the rest to buck for tenure on the basis of shared research.

Q: How many Ventrue does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: four; one to change the bulb, one to steal the credit,one to be the scapegoat if things go badly wrong, and one to find a reason to execute the anarchs.

Q: How many Syndicate Mages does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Well, one to leverage a buyout of G.E....

Q: How many Virtual Adepts does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:None, That's a hardware problem.

Q: How many Marauders does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Q: One.
A:How many Zigg'Raug'lurr does it take to change a bulb.

Q: How many Verbena does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:(see the Cult of Ecstasy joke.)

Q:How many Celestial Chorus mages does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, Chorus mages are uncomfortable doing anything involving screwing.

Q: Ok smartass,How many Celestial Chorus mages does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, Chorus mages are uncomfortable doing anything involving Change.

Q: How many Sons of Ether does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 8...It's a big bulb